domross.com

In the midnight hour, she cried more more more!

Dom — Tue, 06 Feb 2007 08:22:25 +0000

Wow where to begin… Firstly sorry for the lack of updates but after you’ve heard what happened to me I think you’ll understand!

I was just sitting in a cafe in Melbourne minding my own business reading the paper when all of a sudden a band of left over Soviet USSR terrorists kidnapped me at gun point, thinking I was someone else, possibly Peter MacDonald (Director of Rambo trilogy and many other films for those that don’t know… idiots) and looking to get back at me for the portrayal of Russian Militant’s in the movie Rambo III. So before I know it I’m tied up and thrown in the back of a van, they drive around for about 2.5 hours before the van comes to a sudden, screeching stop and I’m quickly forced out of the van and into a jet boat. Once on the boat they sailed out to sea and proceeded to interrogate me, asking me over and over “what are the Colonel’s secret herbs and spices.” After a grueling 3-day long interrogation at sea about KFC they finally figured out I wasn’t going to talk and proceeded to take me to their secret hide out which I can safely say was NOT Uluru. To my surprise I was thrown into a cold, dank cell where I quickly passed out. After a few hours I slipped slowly back into consciousness to find I wasn’t alone in this cave-like cell, also a prisoner to these crazed Soviets was none other than the 80’s rock singer Billy Idol. So that explains where he’s been all this time!

So there I was, beaten, dazed, confused and a little in awe, being held captive by Soviets, stuck in a cell with none other than Billy Idol. I knew it was time to make my get away. I quickly got Billy onside and we planned our daring escape, using my sweet lock picking skills I developed whilst working with a band of gold-fish stealing ninjas (back when I rolled with a rough crowd) I was able to quickly open the sub-standard door to our cell. From there Billy and I proceeded down a hallway, got into a bit of a rough-and-tumble with the Soviet guard that was securing our cell, defeated him and proceeded up a winding set of stairs and outside. A hail of bullets rained down upon us as we ran across an open courtyard and out of the complex. With a band of menacing Soviet terrorists behind us Billy and I headed for the surrounding scrub to hide and plot the rest of our escape. We took cover in the branches of a really tall tree until night fall, when we snuck back into the complex for a better look. Whilst hiding in the shadows to avoid detection I spotted a helicopter on the roof of the complex, I knew it was our only hope of escape. We plotted a quick plan, it was simple but effective Billy would entertain the Soviet’s by singing “Rebel Yell” and whilst he was doing that I’d “Get to the chopper!” - (Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando).

The plan worked like clockwork and before I knew it Billy was performing as it if were ‘87, the Soviet’s were too busy rocking out to see me slip through their ranks and upto to the helecopter. Billy was singing so loudly that they didn’t even hear the propellers roar to life. I got the helecopter into the air and dropped the rescue ladder for Billy. He began to climb the ladder as he belted out the final “More, more more” of the song, “What an amazing stage show” the Soviet’s would of thought as they stood, dumb struck. By the time they realized what had happened We were half way across the complex. They took aim at the helecopter and opened fire but to no avail, we were long out of range and victorious. I got Billy to drop me off at my place before he continued onwards with the chopper.

So thats why I haven’t been able to update any sooner, sorry everyone my bad. I’d like to thank my good friends: Hang over, Krispy Kreme and Orange Juice for making this random post possible.

The “wacky incredible incase I don’t” post

Dom — Tue, 26 Dec 2006 10:00:15 +0000

That’s right kiddies; its time for the “wacky incredible in case I don’t make it back from my road trip” post or “WIIIDMIB” for short. For those of you that don’t know - yes I’m going on a road trip with my brother, leaving 4:30AM tomorrow morning heading for Melbourne til around New Years, from there great ocean road (I think) into Adelaide then back through the dessert home taking a grand total of aprox. 17 days. Did I mention we’ll be camping on this trip, there’s’ a scary thought, me camping. Not too big on the whole no power, running water, proper bed or any other modern day NECISITY.

So if by chance the worst does happen and God decides to take revenge upon me whilst on this err, trip then fear not; just remember “Ah well I’ve had a good run” and remember the good times – like that time I fell over and everyone laughed or that other time.

But seriously, I figure that since there is a slight statistical chance that I will not be returning then I thought I may as well say a few things I’ve got a few questions I’ve always wanted to ask but never did, hopefully you can answer them for me.

Why go to the top of a tall building only to put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Is it still called a hearing when deaf person goes to court?

Why is a round pizza put in a square box?

Does a person have to be important before they are considered assassinated instead of just plain murdered?

Why do 24/7 stores have locks fitted to the doors?

What colour is a chameleon?

Once you’ve heard a sound, where does it go?

Why would anyone even bother to read this site!?

Well see how you go with those brain-bogglers eh?

Oh and Merry Christmas – anyone else happy it’s over for 363.75 days? On a lighter note I hope everyone has a good New Year, now that’s a celebration, plenty of drinking and stupidity everybody, thank you!

Also as promised: Mandy I’m sorry for spraying you with soda from the post mix on Saturday night, I didn’t mean to get your hair and make it all frizzy after you spent an hour straightening it, I told you I’d give you an official apology on the site. But you have to admit, from my point of view it was pretty funny.

-Dom

Christmas parties - What they don’t want you to know.

Dom — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 04:47:29 +0000

Mood : lethargic
Music : From here to eternity - Iron Maiden

As we’re coming into the so called “silly season” I thought it’d be a good idea to educate the loyal readers of domross dot com about Christmas parties. By following these simple steps you can ensure your festive party goes very successfully and, at the same time kill a whole heap of brain cells and get yourself into some awkward and embarrassing situations; which you’ll more than likely never live down until next year when you do something even more stupid and lift the bench mark.

1. Firstly, dress to the occasion. Nothing is more boring than arriving at a party to find you’re totally under or over dressed. I recommend going with the birthday suit, this is a very versatile outfit and will certainly get people talking. You’ll be the life of the party from the word go and the risk of arriving only to find someone else is wearing the EXACT same outfit is slim - If someone ends up wearing your birthday suit at the end of the night however this can be a very good thing, especially with co-workers or close friends, it’ll ensure awkwardness around this person for days, weeks or even months to come!

2. Behaviour is paramount - Most Christmas parties will have a large bar tab or free alcohol all night. This is a gesture of good faith and it’d just be plain rude of you not to show your appreciation by single handedly trying to consume the bar’s entire stock. This will get you in the right frame of mind for the rest of the party and will ensure the attention stays on you for the rest of the night. Nothing impresses people more than someone who can consume 8L of vodka and orange juice throughout the night.

3. Most parties also provide some sort of food, be it a buffet, set course meal or just cocktail food. The best thing for you to do in this situation is show how thankful you are to be provided with such a generous bounty and eat as much as possible in the shortest possible time. Don’t worry about using a knife and fork; these just inhibit your ability to eat. If there’s a particularly good dish there that would be expensive to prepare make sure you consume it all, leaving nothing for anyone else as chances are they wouldn’t of eaten it anyway and it’d be a shame to waste such a delicacy!

4. Conversation is the key. You’re going to be around other people all night so you have to do some talking. Pick your topics carefully. Stay away from boring topics like work, politics or religion and go with something entertaining and personal such as asking them about their bowel movements or that weird rash they’ve got just above their lips. Pinning someone down in a corner and forcing them into a deep and meaningful conversation about something of little importance for an hour can also be good. One thing I highly recommend you do is tell people what you really think about them, no matter how good or bad this is. Confessing your love or absolute hatred for a co-worker or friend is the right thing to do and they’ll respect you for being so honest.

5. After you’ve consumed a sufficient amount of alcohol, eaten all the good food and told everyone what you really think of them its time to show off you’re great dancing skills. Any good party will have some sort of entertainment, a band, dj, what ever! Just get out there and dance. Some simple but cool dances I like to suggest are “The Duck”, “The Nut bush” or an uncoordinated, unbalanced version of “The Twist”. While you’re out on the dance floor its also a good idea to grope as many people of the opposite sex as possible, after all you’re all here for a good time and they’ll love the attention. The dance floor is the best spot for this; as in many cases people will be dancing with their spouses, partners or significant other and I’m sure they’ll be flattered that you find their partner so attractive.

6. When the party looks like its dying down it doesn’t mean your night should end, this is the time you find the most intoxicated people you can and get them to help you organize an after-party meeting at a nightclub or 24 hour bar. The best thing you can do here is offer people some variety, so tell everyone you’ll meet them at different venues, and where possible give them directions to somewhere totally different. This will make sure everyone ends up at different places and will have to spend more money in taxi’s and phone calls trying to track everyone else down. It’ll also make them see just how much fun they were having with you and want to rush back to your side as quickly as possible.

7. Sooner or later all the fun you’ve had is going to catch up on you, all that food and drink isn’t going to mix with dancing and running in and out of taxis. You may need to vomit; if this is so make sure you do it where everyone can see, and if possible on an article of their clothing. This will make sure they’ve got a souvenir of the night and it’ll show them just how hard you party. After all this it may be time for a sleep, the best thing for you to do is just pass out anywhere. Your friends and co-workers won’t mind having to drag you out of a club and put you into a taxi then pay the driver to take you back to where you’re staying, it’s their way of thanking you for a fun night out.

In conclusion, by ensuring you get naked, drink lots, eat everything, tell people what you really think of them, grope everyone on the dance floor while doing the nut bush, forcing everyone to come to a club with you afterwards then being sick and passing out on the spot you and everyone else will have a FANTASTIC night. It’ll also create the necessary uncomfortableness and remorse for everyone the next day. If you do all of this around your boss it may also get you that long, unpaid holiday you’ve always wanted!

And now for the greatest invention in the world!

Dom — Wed, 08 Nov 2006 00:56:46 +0000

Mood : Reborn
Music : Hope - Apocalyptica

Greetings! It seems to have been some time since I’ve taken finger-to-keyboard and wrote a new post, the explanation for this is pure laziness and lack of time. As most of you are probably aware I’ve been working hard, and thus haven’t had a whole lot of time to kill, and what time I did have I probably spent playing World of Warcraft or watching documentaries. (A wise choice of things to invest my time in, I know)

Anyway, on with the post! I’ve recently discovered one of the most misunderstood and forgotten, but greatest and most practical inventions in the world. The shoe horn. Yes, I kid you not, the shoe horn. My great discovery all started some months ago when I bought a new pair of work boots, in the box was a small black shoe horn. I thought nothing more of it and simply discarded it the side and went about the normal ritual of putting shoes on - stuffing your finger behind you’re heel and doing a crowbar-like jimmying affect, resulting in a sore finger and uncomfortable heel position and in some cases a bent-backed shoe! “There must be an easier way” I said to myself as I struggled with the other foot, then out of the corner of my eye, I spotted the little black shoe horn, it beckoned me to try it, and I did… I simply slipped the shoe horn down the back of the shoe and slid my heel down it and straight into the shoe. I’ve never looked back since. Using the shoe horn is like a pleasure-slide for my foot all the way to destination: comfort! I urge you, readers of domross dot com to try it, once you go horn, it’s like being reborn!

The immediate problem most people face is simply where can you buy a shoe horn? Well I’ve found the be-all and end-all of shoe horn stores and it’s online! Check it out here. Some of my personal favourite are the shoe-horn, back-scratcher deluxe combo, that’s bringing comfort to a whole new level, so often, when I’m using my shoe horn I get an itch on my back and I just can’t reach it, well now that problem is over! But for elegance how you can’t go past the “mallard head gentleman’s’ shoe horn.” You could walk down the street holding that badboy and people would just stop and stare, thinking “Woah, that guy sure is elegant, and what a genius to use a shoe horn!” Some other handy-to-haves are the fold-out shoe horn so you can take it wherever you go, also good for travellers, or the “Genuine Horn” shoe horn that is boasted as being nearly indestructible, you could use it for self-defence as well.

Well, that about concludes this post and the discussion of shoe horns. In closing I’d like to suggest that everyone try a shoe horn, and remember - “Once you go horn, it’s like being reborn!”.

No, sorry I don’t want to update…

Dom — Sat, 30 Sep 2006 17:07:26 +0000

Mood : detached
Music : 1st Movement - Electic Light Orchestra

Oh well well well look who finally updates his website, me. Its been over a month but ah well, nothing of much importance has happened so I’ve not really got anything to talk about. Thats right, no important information regarding World of Warcraft, (well, ok I’m level 46 now for those who are wondering) No whitty comments about trilogies, no hating on political groups, its just been dull reality!

In more recent but-still-not-that-important news I’ve got a new job, I’ve gone from the Grand Hotel down to the Bowral Hotel, some have called it “the biggest shift to the dark side since Anakin Skywalker” (ok so maybe there is a whitty trilogy comment somewhere) while others have described it as “who cares”, me I’m going to call it a change. How do you, the readers of domross.com describe it, why not tell us!

It has also come to my attention that theres some movies out at the cinemas right now I’d like to go see, namely: Nacho Libre, Talladega Nights and while I’m at it Garfield: a tail of two kitties, what Garfield is cool… shut up you don’t know me, I do what I want.

I’ve run out of things to say quickly so this post is dying in the ass, to try and recover I’ll show you this picture I drew.

Its a wizard, he’s got a staff, a cape and a runed cloak, he’s casting a spell, maybe its something cool like inferno or fireball or maybe he’s trying to magically make this post more interesting, either way I wouldn’t mess with him.

Twenty, Trips & Trilogies!

Dom — Fri, 25 Aug 2006 05:37:41 +0000

Mood : indifferent
Music : Blue Oyster Cult - Blue Oyster Cult

Well hello friends,

Much has happened since you’ve last read, I’ve turned 20 and its been an awesome year so far. I’ve quit a job, got very drunk a few times, dug a hole and got a parking fine! All in all a fun start, with lots more good happening that I wont bother going into.

Onto other pressing matters, my brother Cas and I are planning a bit of a trip just after christmas, leaving 27th to head to Melbourne to see the boxing day test on the 29th then continuing around the countryside camping, drinking, dining and allround having fun until the 2nd week in Jan. If I’ve got any friends in Victoria that I don’t know about you should let me know and we’ll catch up when I’m nearby. I think it’ll be awesome and yes, I know most of you are thinking - “what, Dom camp?”

Does anyone else love the Rambo trilogy? I purchased it a couple of weeks ago from Sanity for a good price, and I can’t get enough of it, I’ve seen it before of course, who hasn’t but seeing Stalone blow his way out of problems around the world, whats not to like?! My eprsonal favourite is First Blood part II Where he goes back to Vietnam but thats just me, I know most people like the first one more but does anyone out there actually like part 3 the best?! This brings me to my next point, trilogies, which movie in which trilogy are the best out of:
1. Rambo
2. Star Wars
3. Lord of The Rings
4. Omen
5. Godfather

My answers are:
1. First Blood part 2
2. Return of the Jedi
3. Return of The King
4. The Omen Part 1
5. Godfather part 2
Whats everyone else think? What trilogies have I left out that should of been brought up?! X-men? I thought I’d leave that out as I’ve done enough nerdy, comic book posts in the past, but I’m sure schultz will mention it. Har har.

Bit of a random post this one, just thought I’d update but didn’t have too much to update with.

I love technology

Dom — Sat, 05 Aug 2006 17:46:14 +0000

Mood : nerdy
Music : Locomotive Breath - Jethro Tull

Hello friends,

Once again I owe you all an apology for the lack of content the past couple of weeks, been a little bit busy and to tell you all about it, I’ve decided to make it into a witty, light hearted article!

Most of you already know I like to keep up with modern technology, I like to see the latest designs in everything, and you’d probably say I’m a bit of a tech nerd. Infact my passion runs deeper than just enjoying the seemingly unnoticable faster processing time from SATA 1 to SATA 2 even though its actually doubled speed, I love technology. I admitted it, and yes I’m sure “the cockhead boss” will have some predictable “ha now admit your gay” comment so take that friend, I beat you to the punch, foiled your plan!

But back to the task at hand, I don’t know what it is but new gadgets just amaze and interest me. I admit some are just stupid - the portable DVD player that has an inbuilt 3inch LCD screen, whos really going to watch a full feature movie on a 3 inch screen not me, I’d much rather watch it on the latest fancy pants plasma to brace the electrical supermarket walls. Maybe its all part of my not so hidden inner nerd exploring the world…

Earlier this week I purchased a new hardrive for the computer…. a Seagate 320GB 7200.10RPM SATA 2 HDD and it felt good from the moment I clicked “add to shopping cart” on the online computer store. I enjoyed recieving it two days later by courier and had even more fun that afternoon when I installed it, not before giving my computer a needed service and clean out and dust the 9+ fans that my system has in it just to ensure its at an optimal running temperature. I also found great enjoyment in a task many people loathe - formatting the hard drives and reinstalling everything, restoring any backed up data I needed and getting it all back the way I like and need it to be.

The above paragraph to most normal people sounds absolutely stupid… I mean who really enjoys spending hard earned money on technology that will be outdated in 2 weeks time and then slave infront of a computer for 5-6 hours just to get your system to be back the way it was all except for a bit more storage space before you spent your money, and chances are it’ll probably crash the day after your warranty runs out! But since I’ve done it, I feel technologically satisfied and I’d say people could pick up on it - ”You look happier than usual, your radio-active computer tan is glowing brighter than ever…. Have you upgraded lately?”

It doesn’t have to be computer related technology either, I like most new gadgets, I don’t go out and buy the latest fashionable technology accessory, I don’t own an iPod - the only really “cool” piece of technology on the market these days, if they released a fridge that has a different, more effective way of cooling things down without using as much power or by using a new form of alloy chances are I’d show some genuine interest and want more information about it. I’d probably even google it and where possible read about it in the paper or magazines.

Whats the point of this article you might ask? Well I don’t know, I don’t think I need to have a point, as usual though I’d be interested in what everyone thinks of my love of technology, am I just insane or are there people out there like me?

Oh so THATS how you pick up!

Dom — Sat, 15 Jul 2006 16:19:24 +0000

Mood : sleepy
Music : Sativa (Atmosphere Cut) - SFX

So its been a couple of weeks since my last update, sorry I’ve got no excuse apart from laziness and a new found addiction to World of Warcraft. For the Horde! Moving right along… Its recently come to my attention that many readers of domross.com are pick up extroidinaires*. No I don’t mean they can lift heavy objects off the ground with ease, I mean they know what has to be done to get the ladies attention and interest. I’m curious to know how this is done as its coming upto almost a year with no real female interaction I’d say any advice I can get would be beneficial!

One strategy I’ve been informed about is the “name drop” where, Upon making first contact with you’re pick up target you just ramble off names of important people you know. Example: “So I was talking to my good friends, Nelson Mandella, Abe Lincoln and Batman the other day and they said this place is great…” I tried to do this and failed miserably, it sounded more like… “Excuse me I was…. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I can’t do it, I can’t do it.” Then I walked off, I was slightly intoxicated at the time however, so that may of been the problem… Which leads me to my next point.

The “Buying a drink” Strategy. Everyone knows this one, as a girl approaches the bar you make eye contact, smile say hello ramble off a bit of small talk then offer to buy them a drink. In the movies it always seems to work, it must be the appeal of getting something for free, or maybe its just the actors really cool hair style but as soon as he pays for that cosmopolitan, glass of house white or vodka lime-soda he’s got her hooked. Thinking I can’t fail I put the plan into action, and even better I offered to buy TWO girls at the bar a drink each, thinking two girls, double the chances, he he aaalright. Oh how wrong I was. After saying hello to the two (who I sorta already knew, but not too well) I engaged in some small talk then when the time came offered to buy them both a drink. Sure enough I was $10.40 poorer and they were gone, back to where ever they were sitting with a free drink, all I get was a “oh thanks Dom thats nice of you”. No other contact all night.

Now for the third plan, and even I have my doubts about this one. The “Let them come to me” strategy - All you do is sit there doing whatever you have planned, talking to your friends, playing pokies, smoking, whatever you do and wait for a girl to come upto you and initiate conversation. I go out on a semi-regular basis and lets just say no one has come upto me and started small talk. An example of how this works however can be given when a nameless friend of mine won $187.00 on the pokies, straight away however 2 attractive young girls were interested in EVERYTHING he had to say. I’m not sure if thats the strategy in action or if they were just out for a free drink (which they got), I’ll let you be the judge.

Going by an example of how to pick up a nice girl in Bowral it seems all I have to do is wear tacky clothes with some generic sprorting brand printed all over them, drink rum and coke (preferably in a can or bottle), swear 4-12 times a sentence then get into a fight later on in the night. Something tells me I wont be trying this plan anytime soon however.

So what I’m interested in knowing is how its done? Give me strategies and examples of how to do them and the chance of success. Come on people I need the help here and who better to ask than the people who visit domross.com

*=In the vast majority of cases, this statement is a blatant lie.

Superhero Scrutinies

Dom — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 16:56:08 +0000

Mood : geeky
Music : Burnin' For You - Blue Oyster Cult

Hello hello,

Its been some time since my last update so I thought I’d best do one, and I promise it wont be political and hard hitting this time! Well it might be, only time will tell for those eager readers gazing upon my verbal dribble at this moment.

I went and saw Superman Returns last night, and although it wasn’t bad it left me pondering a few things, one in particular (potential movie spoiler here) How could Lois Lane’s body support Superman’s child? I mean the conception alone, we’ve got Superman, faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful then a locomotive, you’d think his ejaculation would go straight through poor Lois and out her head then continue off into the deep recesses of space. The guy can shoot lasers out his eyes but when it comes to the ol’ reproductive dance he’s just like a human? I think not! If his eyes shoot lasers imagine what his splooge would do, especially to Poor Lois’ poor womb.

This train of thought about superheros led me to think about which Superhero I’d like to be, and why. I narrowed it down to 4; The Punisher, Iron Man, Captain America and Thor from the Avengers. I think I can rule The Punisher out because he isn’t really a Superhero, he’s more just an angry guy with lots of guns and kick ass combat training, but when push comes to shuv, he’s still human, bullets hurt him, he’s not immune to getting a cold and he’ll get old. This is similar with Iron Man, he’s still just a man but this time with a cool battle suit that has a lot of fire power. I do believe as well that the original Iron Man became an alcoholic and lost his company? I don’t think that’d do well either. This leaves me with Captain America and Thor. After reading about Thor’s history and powers here I decided he’s the hero to be. Just read his known super powers, he’s got one of the most formidible weapons known to man, Mjolnir thats indestructible and can control the elements… He’s also immune to all diseases, has super human speed and agility and simulated flight. Plus Mjolnir will always come back to him. He can’t loose!

This brings me to the question of: “If you could be any superhero who would you be and why?” Go on comment and tell me.

Chris at work took it a step further and did the whole “Who would win in a fight between The Thing from Fantastic 4 and The Incredible Hulk. We came to the conclusion that The Thing would because, The Hulk bleeds which is a weakness, The Thing however is made of stone, and we both agreed he’s a smarter fighter than The Hulk whos all about brute force and getting angry. Do you agree? Perhaps some of you, the readers have more “Who would win in a fight” situations that we can debate, lets have some discussion here.

I’ve just realised I’ve done an entire post relating to comic book characters, is that nerdy? Not as nerdy as Will correcting a guy about Wolverine outside the cinemas after X-men 3. HA!